This was good.
It was extremely vague and short. I would suggest expanding on your ideas.
What are you feeling? What are you trying to get across to the reader? What emotions do you want to express.
You have five senses. Be sure to use them all. Put your reader in the situation. You want them sympathizing, mad, angry. you want trhem to feel how you do.
Sorry if this didn't help much. I liked the idea..just expand on it.
Happy editing!
Jamie
Points: 1240
Reviews: 79
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